lay it down

Its been a a difficult week for me. One of those weeks where I've been sitting in reflection and self evaluation. And this is always hard because without fail something is brought to the surface of my life that I really don't to hear or feel. I'm growing to love early mornings and its a good thing because I get up quite early 5 days out of the week. Monday was especially big. I'm driving to work just having this conversation with God and its completely audible on my part (the looks I got from the people in the cars around me was pretty amazing). And I'm begging God to show me where to go and where He's leading my life and family. This idea of obedience kept coming to the surface and I kept saying over and over, "Ijust want to obey You God and do things your way." And then God asked me, If you want to obey Me, then why haven't you been baptized?" My world broke. And this has been an issue with me. I began to think as customary for me. And this began to unfold for me the rest of the day and the next, God just began revealing things that I struggle with that ultimately find their roots in disobedience and pride. And the voice of God just started to say, "Lay it down. Lay it down! Lay down your disobedience and your pride. Lay them down and never pick them up. Please don't ever try to pick them back up again."

In Matthew, Jesus says, "Come to me all who are burdened and heavy ladened. Come to me and find rest. My burden is light and yoke is easy." And what Jesus is saying is lay it down. Lay it all down, all the frustration from your own pride and disobedience. Whatever you do just lay down your life for Me and to Me but not to walk away empty handed. He invites us to take up His work, take up His burden. The beautiful thing is that whenever I'm doing what work God has drawn me into, I have never felt negatively toward it.

So lay it down. Whatever it is, just lay it down.

Shalom!

p.s. i just burnt my tongue on hot coffee.

Late Nights and Irish Coffee

So the title really has nothing to do with the post just describes the setting in which I'm writing, and I'll leave it open to interpretation.

I think in regards to writers, essayists, and the like, words no matter placing or context all hold meaning to the story being told. For instance, there's this story in the book of Luke (chapter 7) when Jesus is sitting at this Pharisee's house and eating with him. while they're eating this "sinner" (which is the nice way of saying whore) approaches Jesus and begins sobbing t His feet and then wiping the tears with her hair. And at the last, she begins pouring out this special perfume on His feet. And while this going on, Simon (the pharisee) is thinking, doesn't even say anything but just thinks it, that if Jesus really knew who this woman was He would not let her touch Him. Then Jesus goes into this story about two people owing debts, one owing 50 bucks and the other owing 500, and He asks Simon, "If both are forgiven which one loves more?" Of course Simon answers correctly, the one who owed the most. Then this beautiful discourse from Jesus turns into an unforgettable monologue toward the whore.

Jesus talks about how this woman did all these things from the time He sat down until now and how Simon had failed to do even the smallest part. Then He makes two big statements. He says, that the woman "loved" much and whats beautiful is that the writer used the deepest form of love in Greek. And then at the end Jesus tells the lady to go in "peace". He doesn't say go on trying to forget all the bad that you had done or trying to right everything that was once wrong. He says, "Go in peace!" Go and live your life with no more regrets. He was saying, "Go! Know that all the sin that these pharisees still see God has removed and just rest in that!" I love the definition of this word peace when translated, it means "State brought about by the grace and loving mund of God wherein the derangement and distresses of life caused sin are removed." All that packed into one little word blows me away. So may we live in the state of peace that God has called us to and may we live freely in it. May we love God for all that He has done and walk in it.

Words are a beautiful thing that can encapsulate the soul and define the essence in which we live.

Love much because you have been forgiven much and go in peace!

Knowing God

"The question is not whether we are good at theology, or "balanced" (horrible, self-conscious word!) in our approach to problems of Christian living. The question is, can we say, simply, honestly, not because we feel that as evangelicals we ought to, but because it is a plain matter of fact, that we have known God, and that because we have known God the unpleasantness we have had, or the pleasantness we have not had, through being Christians does not matter to us? If we really knew God, this is what we should be saying, and if we are not saying it, that is a sign that we need to face ourselvesmore sharply with the difference between knowing God and merely knowing about Him." J.I. Packer

conversation of silence

I think silence is a beautiful thing that takes time to become accustomed to. So many people find it disturbing, eerie, or just awkward when silence takes over a group or moment in life. But I have found silence to be something or rather some place where I can find retreat and release. I think too many people try to fill there lives with noise to drown out what's really going in their lives, and I believe this is a huge problem that is happening in the lives of many Christians. I believe that if we think we can talk loud enough or dive into enough ministry or projects then what is happening within us will become overtaken by the noise, and we may not have to face the issues that have become so attached to our lives. We miss the importance of silence and quietness.

I'll be the first to admit that when things grow quiet and all becomes still, something very dynamic begins to happen alot of times this can be so unsettling. It's as if all that we have suppressed: sin, hurt, frustrations and even joy, begins to unpack itself. I mean just think about why you may turn the radio on at night as you go to bed. Turn the radio off for one night and see what begins to happen. If you are like me then you will automatically begin to think of the day and what went on or the emotion that has been compiling throughout the past day, week, or month and so on. But maybe all this is healthy. Maybe instead of ignoring our issues and throwing on the spiritual coat of theological words and ideas that have left us so empty inside, maybe we lay down in the silence and reflect. Maybe instead of trying to add one more ministry or small group or devotional book, we try to meditate on what has been going on.

I'm just crazy enough to think that silence is only awkward or eerie is because that's when we can finally face the junk inside of us. And maybe this is where spiritual healing begins. Maybe God will speak to us as He did to Elijah in the mountain in the "still small voice" which is the same idea as silence for the Hebrew language. I think sometimes there is a need to walk away from ministry. Jesus did it all the time, just read Mark and Luke. He constantly called the disciples away or left in the middle of great things happening. I believe there are some great conversations that happen in the silence. And just maybe healing will begin for us.

Title

So new blog and thought I would explain my title. There is this old Harrison Ford movie entitled Regarding Henry where Ford plays a lawyer, named Henry who is known for taking advantage of the less fortunate in return for large paydays and success. He's shot one night, loses his memory and ability to function at his former job. As the the movie progresses, he is shown who he was and in seeing it he begins to be changed into someone else. He apologizes for past wrongs and changes his whole way of life

I always found this movie a bit cheesy but intriguing because I think it relates to the day God awoke me spiritually and showed me who I was. A day in which God ransomed me from death and I began to live. So here I begin. A blog to reflect on the past, assess the present, and attempt to push on toward the future.

"Because when You showed me myself, I became someone else." Michael Stipe