being tired

So I've gone back and read some of my recent posts and have noticed a continual theme. It seems I like to point fingers and ranting and raving about the church. I love the generalization of such rants because it keeps me from being personally engaged and reflecting on my own life. I know the problem with such actions and generally like to point such things out in others. It's easier to address the failures, faults and digressions of others without seeing myself in any of it.

But here's the thing. I ask God to search my heart and reveal the darkness of it and He will. In fact, I haven't slept the past few nights because of such requests. He has begun to drudge up the things that haunt me that I don't like to address. At the forefront comes my disobedience in different areas that He has speaking to for some time now. And then I realize that all the recent rants reflect the same thing just on the larger scale. I hope God continues to break me of such self absorved thoughts thinking that I'm better than the rest of the church and on the track when everyone else is off.

So that's where I've been the past few days. I'm sitting and trying to figure out where I got off track. Where I've been disobedient or simply ignoring the moving of the Spirit. All pointing fingers does is that it leaves one tired without addressing any real needs or problems. And maybe if I see the issues within my own life and start following God where He is leading me, I'll stop yelling at the failures of others.